Naging mas mabuti nga ba?

Written last night, after feeling oblivous...for the Rs



Naging mas mabuti nga ba?
Kung hindi na lang ako nagpakita sa inyo
At tuluyang pinutol ang ugnayan ng dugo?

Naging mas mabuti nga ba?
Kung nanatili na lang akong tahimik
At tuluyang naglaho nang walang imik?

Naging mas mabuti nga ba?
Kung hinayaan ko na lang mawala sa inyong alaala
At tuluyang ilayo ang buhay ng aking pamilya?

Marahil, naging mas mabuti nga sa aking pagkatao
Kung hindi ko na inilapit ang sarili sa inyo
At sa inyong hinagap ay unti-unting maglaho
Na minsan ay kami ay nabuhay sa mundo.

Gayunpaman, batid ko na ang Diyos ay may plano
Kung bakit nararamdaman ko ang ganito
Sa ngayon ay puno at tigib ng hinampo
Sa tulong ng Diyos lilipas din ang lahat ng ito.


I pray this feeling will soon pass; I don't have to regret my decision of opening my life, letting them enter my life after many years of estrangement.

2021 and Beyond

Since July 2011, our company has been conducting a weekly examination that aims to assess our English proficiency level.

For some reasons, I was excluded from this activity but my boss gave me an essay assignment on how I envision myself ten years from now.

Here is my essay, written as honestly as I could....

When I was younger, my idealism dominates my dreams, but as I mature and gain more life experiences, practical realities set in.

My English teacher in third year high school once asked us to draw a picture of how we see ourselves five years after graduating from college. Wanting to follow the footsteps of a grandfather who was a Christian journalist, writer and editor, I sketched a representation of myself as an “Editor”, who was, to my mind, the highest official of a newspaper or a magazine.

During the company planning in Baguio City on May 2004, an activity made us write our goals in the next five years. I candidly wrote I would like to see my by-line in a front-page story or to be able to publish my own book. I realized later that I was too shy to write under my real name even in the company’s newsletter. I also wrote I will be married by then, with two kids, and living in my dream house. I also remember writing about having a master’s degree.

Now, at age 34, I still retain portions of those dreams and aspirations for the next ten years – and more. . . . I still want to write, my personal blog being an outlet – after all, I write to express and not to impress. I still want to get married to a godly man and have a family, but as always, the Lord’s plans will prevail. I still want to live in my dream house – the one I had built for my mother where she can stay while tending to her garden is just a rough draft.

Ten years from now, I would be harvesting the fruits of my labors and perseverance I had started planting three years ago. I had my mother’s land in Sarangani Province planted with coconut and fruit trees in 2008. I also talked with my uncle regarding the clearing of a portion of the lowland for rice planting. I owe all these to my hardworking grandparents and to the people who financially supported and encouraged me.

Ten years from now, I would be actively serving in the church’s Christian education ministry. I told a friend that I would like to teach when I will be 40 years old. Last year, I inquired in Bible-based schools where I can study Christian Education, but my e-mail inquiries got no response. I can serve without a formal degree, but I still want to be properly equipped.

Ten years from now, I would still be working – either with my present job or on my own business – or maybe both. I decided years ago that when I leave my present job, that would be to work on my own business. God willing, when the land in Sarangani yield good crops, I will venture into agricultural trading and processing. I have been reading agriculture magazines and researching on agricultural and soil technology to prepare for this.

Ten years from now, I would be able to travel to any of the places I dream of going – as a tourist or as a student and not as a worker. I would like to set my feet on Greece (the glory that was Greece), Germany (after reading Rizal’s “Sa mga Bulaklak ng Heidelberg”), Switzerland (because of the Alps), Italy (the grandeur that was Rome), China (the Forbidden City and the Great Wall) and, of course, our country’s amazing and natural wonders.

Ten years from now, I pray that as I look back to today, I can say with conviction that I did well and had been a blessing and will continue to be so in the next ten years and beyond.
- 30 -

Pahimakas kay Uncle M

"Pinagbuti ko ang aking pakikipaglaban, natapos ko na ang dapat kong takbuhin, at nanatili akong tapat sa pananampalataya." - II Timoteo 4:7

Gaya ng mga nagmamahal sa iyo, hindi ko pa rin lubos-maisip na wala ka na - na hindi na tayo magkikitang muli sa buhay na ito kasabay ng pagpikit ng iyong mga mata patungo sa paglalakbay na walang balikan.

Hindi mo ako nakilala nang una mo akong makita sa bahay ni Lola halos tatlong taon na ang nakararaan. At nang lumapit ako sa iyo, pagkaraan ng halos 22 taon, pinagsabihan mo ako na kahit matanda na ako ay dapat pa rin akong magmano sa iyo, na siya kong ginawa.

Noong bata pa ako, ikaw, kasabwat ang ilan kong mga pilyong tiyuhin, ay halos paiyakin ako sa inyong panunukso sa aking pagiging "ala eh" sa lugar ng mga Ilokano, Bisaya, T'boli at Muslim. Ganito pa nga mga dayalog nyo:
Uncle M: "Ala eh, anong ulam natin ineng?"
Uncle F: "Ala eh, kalabasang may gata eh".
O kaya naman ay "Bakit ganyan ang kanin, ineng; malata eh."

Nangingiti na lang ako kapag naalala ko ito ngayon.

May sarili nang pamilya ang iyong panganay na si S, na aking inaawitan pa noon ng "Didto sa Layong Bukid" sa kanyang kuna para makatulog. Tulad ng iyong butihing may-bahay, tinatanong na nya ako ngayon kung kailan ako mag-aaasawa kasi ring bearer ang kanyang sanggol na sa iyo ipinangalan.

Pangarap mo na bumalik sa bukid pagkatapos mag-aral ng iyong tatlong anak. Tanging ang bunso at lalaki mong anak si K na lang ang nakatakdang magtapos ngayong Marso, ngunit hindi mo na ito masisilayan.

Sabi mo noon kay Mamang, gusto mo siyang maging kapitbahay sa bundok, at itinuro mo kung saan mo itatayo ang bahay na para sa inyo ni Auntie - sa tuktok, tanaw ang mga palayan sa ibaba. Baka ako na lang ang magpatayo ng bahay para kay Mamang balang araw - kapag tatanaw ako sa dakong itinuro mo ay maaalala kita at ang bahay na sana ay gagawin mo.

Nagalit ka noon sa isa nating itinuring na kamag-anak nang malaman mo na hindi niya tinupad ang pangako na ibalik ang perang hiniram mula sa kapatid ko. Ayaw mo kasing may nangloloko sa sinuman sa iyong kapamilya.

Kung kaya mong tumulong ay gagawin mo - ipinakita mo pa sa amin noon ang iyong "pambot" (pumpboat) na makina na lang ang natira dahil ipinagbili mo nang ma-Cesarian si M, ang iyong pangalawang anak.

Sabi mo, sa susunod naming bakasyon ay aarkila tayo ng pambot at pupunta tayo sa Tuka Marine Sanctuary, ang dalampasigan na ipinagmamalaki ng Kiamba. Hindi ko akalain na ang susunod naming bakasyon ay upang ihatid ka sa iyong huling hantungan.

Hindi ko na muling matitikman ang kilawing tuna na lagi mong inihahain sa amin pag dumadalaw kami sa bahay ninyo sa bayan.

Hindi ko na maririnig ang mga sarkastiko mong komento sa mga artista at pulitiko na para sa iyo ay walang kwenta. Pareho kasi tayong "opinionated" sa ilang isyu, kaya naman gusto kitang nakakausap, kahit sandali lang.

Habang pinapakinggan ko ang mensahe ng iyong mga anak sa araw ng iyong libing, hindi ko maiwasang makadama ng inggit - inggit, dahil naranasan nilang mahalin ng isang amang gaya mo, na nagsakripisyo at umunawa sa mga bagay na gustong gawin ng iyong mga anak sa kanilang buhay. Hindi sila nawalay ng landas dahil taglay nila ang iyong gabay sa kanilang mga desisyon sa buhay.

Nakapanghihinayang, dahil hindi mo na makakarga ang iyong dalawang apo at masubaybayan ang kanilang paglaki.

Paalam, Uncle.




No makitam ni Lolo Noe kenni Uncle Pongpong, ibagam kanyada nga ayayatek isuda uray nga awanen isuda ken adayo isuda ditoy lubongen. Agkita tayon inton sumaruno a biag.




Bendisyonan kami ni Apo Diyos a kanayon. Addadtoyak para ti pamilya mo Uncle.

012411

aimless guileless clueless
standing still despite my weaknesses
waking walking wandering wondering
how do i keep on going
holding on letting go
sans wisdom i will never know
to be or not to be
open my eyes so I will see
to do or not to do
will it be a yes or a no
God of the universe wide
please always be my guide
i may stumble falter and fail
in my life Your truth will prevail.

Am I strong?

Yesterday, I received the following e-mail three times, though this same message was sent to me (via text) by a cousin during the time she was grieving over the loss of her sister:

A strong person knows how to keep their life in order. Even with tears in their eyes, they still manage to say "I'm ok" with a smile. Send this to a strong person. I just did. God is good. Change is coming. God saw your sadness and said hard times are over. If you believe in Him send this to ten people including me. Watch what happens in thirty minutes! Be honest and send this to anyone who made you smile this year. It may surprise You how many You get back. Thanks for making me smile.

Since I don't send "chain" messages, I did not forward it :-)

But then, I pondered: Am I strong? I went through some periods of great pain in the 33 years of my life here on earth. Without God, my family and my dreams, I might have traveled the wrong way and made unwise decisions. Others may say that I am strong from what they see in the outside, but in reality, I am weak. Yes, I can say "I'M OK" with a smile though deep inside "I'm not OK" at all. Many times my courage failed me, yet, my faith sustained me.

I can only claim that it is the Lord who gives me strength and His power is made perfect in my weaknesses.

To all of you who are strong, and you who made me smile, I hope that I made you smile as well. I don't have to receive the message ten times, knowing that you are my friends suffices.

Three months after

Three months after starting this blog, I am doubting my capacity to maintain it.....

Most of my posts (99 %) were written years before. I have plenty of ideas that were never put on paper, and projects that were half finished.

Time is not my problem but the lack of motivation, that driving force that will will me to do the things I've been meaning to do.

Thank you Lord for still loving me despite my lackadaisical attitude, for always holding me in Your hands, in spite of me. I pray that I will be able to focus on things that really matter, and not be carried away by the topsy-turvy current of the times.

Skipping Christmas

If you have the choice NOT to celebrate Christmas this year, will you? Your house is the only undecorated house in your neighborhood, you constantly refuse invitations and solicitations for Christmas charities, and casually tell your family, friends, and your teary-eyed godchildren that you are not buying any gift because you have a flight to Timbuktu on December 25. Other people may think you lost your mind and convince you to at least hang a lantern on your doorway. But you are just plain stubborn.

In John Grisham’s novel, Skipping Christmas, Luther Krank decided to “skip Christmas” and take a Carribean cruise with his wife Nora. Their only daughter, Blair, had gone to Peru to volunteer for the Peace Corps. To the dismay of their neighbours in the affluent Hemlock Street, theirs is the only house without the traditional Frosty atop the roof. Luther firmly turned down buying fruit cakes, calendars and souvenir programs, though all for good and charitable causes. He even shut his door to the carollers. He convinced Nora to prepare for the cruise by slimming and tanning their skin. After all, they’re going to frolic in the sunny Carribean islands.

When their neighbors finally gave up on Luther Krank, Blair called on December 25 to tell her parents that she is coming home for the annual Christmas celebration. She is with Enrique, her fiancé. Blair wanted Enrique to experience the Christmas traditions that are not observed in his native Peru. With only a few hours to set their house into a festive atmosphere, Luther, with the help of his kind neighbors, finally set their house in holiday mode by setting up a borrowed Frosty in their roof, bringing in food, passing on extra gifts, inviting carollers and by having their parties in the Krank’s residence, all for the love of Blair and in welcome of Enrique.

It was a hilarious story, a bit different from Grisham’s legal fictions. I was unable to watch its screen adaptation (Christmas with the Kranks starring Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis) but I believe, printed or animated, Luther Krank sometimes live among us. We are bothered by the goods we have to buy and the things we have to do that we dread its coming. It is not about the extravagance for Christmas is shrouded in simplicity.

Celebrating Christmas should never be a burden. Sure, our budgets do not meet our expenses at this time of year but Christmas is what brings us all together. It unites us into one big birthday celebration, that of our saviour Jesus Christ.

The value of Christmas is not determined by the cost of celebrating it. If we are going to measure its worth, the sands of the earth will not fill it, the stars in the sky will not span it, and the vastness of the ocean will never embrace it. It is measured by the wholeness of our fragmented hearts and by the outstretched arms of God in the cross.

December 2009